Why Foster Care Matters

A few weeks ago, we handed over a four-month old baby filled with giggles and joy to the child’s biological family. We tried our best to say good-bye before we left our home and drove to the Department of Children Services office. When we arrived, the relatives were waiting outside and eagerly took the baby from my arms.

That baby was No. 4 for us. That was the third child where we had to say good-bye. Each time brings its own set of heartbreak. And each time we debate if we should plow ahead, or stop altogether and wash our hands of foster care.

However, foster care matters - and it matters that we do it. Here are seven reasons to help me remember why.

Our children playing during tummy time

1. It matters that my husband and I are involved with foster care because we personally feel called to do it. In James 1:27, Christians are urged to care for the orphans and widows. B and I take this call personally. Foster care is our mission field.
2. It matters because we can give children a glimpse of a stable life. Both of us witnessed children in not so stellar home-life situations when we were coaching and teaching, respectively. We knew we could do better. We strive to make our home a safe and secure place for each baby that comes into our lives. I immediately look for clues as to a child’s feeding schedule and work to create a routine from there. A bedtime routine is established, as well as a morning routine, within the first few days. These routines help young children feel safe because they know what to expect next. Their lives are more uncertain than ours, so giving them a sense of stability helps them grow physically and emotionally.
3. It matters because we give children a glimpse of a loving marriage. Most children in foster care will never see a healthy marriage in their family. We have normal stress in our life managing our work, household, and parenting responsibilities. Those stresses can lead to disagreements or arguments. However, we love and respect each other and we display that in front of our children. Even if these children are only with us for a season, we want them to see what a healthy marriage looks like.
4. It matters because we give children a glimpse of a healthy lifestyle. I am all about cookies and boxed macaroni and cheese dinners, but those types of meals don’t satisfy for long, and they are not very healthy. I am no health guru, but I do strive to prepare a protein, starch, vegetable and fruit for dinner each night. We aim to eat a home cooked meal more than we eat at a restaurant or a fast food place.  We live on a working farm, so exercise means going and feeding the chickens, walking along the edges of fields checking for gaps in the fence, and raking bedding in the barns for the animals. Sometimes exercise means going to a park on a sunny day or taking a hike along the river. Having a healthy lifestyle in our home means limiting the amount of time the television or electronics are turned on. It matters because the homes where these children come from don’t always have the education, time, or money to live a healthy lifestyle. We teach what we can while we can.
5. It matters because there is more laughter in our home than tears. Don’t get me wrong, we have our problems and we definitely have our sad days. But for the most part, we have a very happy household. So many children coming into foster care are coming out of scary and sad situations. It’s important we provide a home that is filled with more happy than sad.
6. It matters because we give each child an education. Did you know there are government educational standards for children as young as birth? It sounds crazy, but we are teaching children from day one. (I actually have a notebook with all the state standards printed off for children ages 0-48 months and another one for pre-schoolers.) Giving a child an education, in our household, means reading books to them. We talk about numbers, sounds, letters, colors, shapes, sizes, etc. With babies, I sing to them, I read to them, and I talk to them. When a newborn comes into my house, I take them around the home and tell them what each room is and where s/he will be. Before we go anywhere, I tell them where we are going and what they will be doing. This sounds crazy, but I believe it helps calm babies down, and it helps develop their language skills.  Children like to know what to expect. 
7. It matters because we love each child as our own. When a child comes into our home, they join our family. They have a seat at the table. They have a bed in a room. They join in on our fun, our chores, and our daily activities. We bring them to church with us, clothe and feed them just as we do with our own. There is no difference. Separating from your family is traumatic enough. We want our children to feel included and we do our best to make sure they know they are loved and cared for.

Visiting a children's museum for some fun

I wrote these seven reminders of why Foster Care matters to my family to remind me to keep on doing what I was called to do. It is very hard when you lose a member of your family, but it matters. Even though they are gone from my home, the legacy each child leaves with us - and hopefully us with them - lasts eternally. That matters.