Why Foster Care Matters

A few weeks ago, we handed over a four-month old baby filled with giggles and joy to the child’s biological family. We tried our best to say good-bye before we left our home and drove to the Department of Children Services office. When we arrived, the relatives were waiting outside and eagerly took the baby from my arms.

That baby was No. 4 for us. That was the third child where we had to say good-bye. Each time brings its own set of heartbreak. And each time we debate if we should plow ahead, or stop altogether and wash our hands of foster care.

However, foster care matters - and it matters that we do it. Here are seven reasons to help me remember why.

Our children playing during tummy time

1. It matters that my husband and I are involved with foster care because we personally feel called to do it. In James 1:27, Christians are urged to care for the orphans and widows. B and I take this call personally. Foster care is our mission field.
2. It matters because we can give children a glimpse of a stable life. Both of us witnessed children in not so stellar home-life situations when we were coaching and teaching, respectively. We knew we could do better. We strive to make our home a safe and secure place for each baby that comes into our lives. I immediately look for clues as to a child’s feeding schedule and work to create a routine from there. A bedtime routine is established, as well as a morning routine, within the first few days. These routines help young children feel safe because they know what to expect next. Their lives are more uncertain than ours, so giving them a sense of stability helps them grow physically and emotionally.
3. It matters because we give children a glimpse of a loving marriage. Most children in foster care will never see a healthy marriage in their family. We have normal stress in our life managing our work, household, and parenting responsibilities. Those stresses can lead to disagreements or arguments. However, we love and respect each other and we display that in front of our children. Even if these children are only with us for a season, we want them to see what a healthy marriage looks like.
4. It matters because we give children a glimpse of a healthy lifestyle. I am all about cookies and boxed macaroni and cheese dinners, but those types of meals don’t satisfy for long, and they are not very healthy. I am no health guru, but I do strive to prepare a protein, starch, vegetable and fruit for dinner each night. We aim to eat a home cooked meal more than we eat at a restaurant or a fast food place.  We live on a working farm, so exercise means going and feeding the chickens, walking along the edges of fields checking for gaps in the fence, and raking bedding in the barns for the animals. Sometimes exercise means going to a park on a sunny day or taking a hike along the river. Having a healthy lifestyle in our home means limiting the amount of time the television or electronics are turned on. It matters because the homes where these children come from don’t always have the education, time, or money to live a healthy lifestyle. We teach what we can while we can.
5. It matters because there is more laughter in our home than tears. Don’t get me wrong, we have our problems and we definitely have our sad days. But for the most part, we have a very happy household. So many children coming into foster care are coming out of scary and sad situations. It’s important we provide a home that is filled with more happy than sad.
6. It matters because we give each child an education. Did you know there are government educational standards for children as young as birth? It sounds crazy, but we are teaching children from day one. (I actually have a notebook with all the state standards printed off for children ages 0-48 months and another one for pre-schoolers.) Giving a child an education, in our household, means reading books to them. We talk about numbers, sounds, letters, colors, shapes, sizes, etc. With babies, I sing to them, I read to them, and I talk to them. When a newborn comes into my house, I take them around the home and tell them what each room is and where s/he will be. Before we go anywhere, I tell them where we are going and what they will be doing. This sounds crazy, but I believe it helps calm babies down, and it helps develop their language skills.  Children like to know what to expect. 
7. It matters because we love each child as our own. When a child comes into our home, they join our family. They have a seat at the table. They have a bed in a room. They join in on our fun, our chores, and our daily activities. We bring them to church with us, clothe and feed them just as we do with our own. There is no difference. Separating from your family is traumatic enough. We want our children to feel included and we do our best to make sure they know they are loved and cared for.

Visiting a children's museum for some fun

I wrote these seven reminders of why Foster Care matters to my family to remind me to keep on doing what I was called to do. It is very hard when you lose a member of your family, but it matters. Even though they are gone from my home, the legacy each child leaves with us - and hopefully us with them - lasts eternally. That matters.

Praying for Our Marriages

We need to pray for our friends’ marriages.

When I was single and longing for a husband, I read a book by Candice Waters called Get Married. The book encouraged its readers to ask their friends and older women in their church to pray they’d find a husband. I think I asked every single member of my church to pray God would send a husband for me. 

After Brandon and I met and eventually married I stopped asking people to pray for my marriage. I think a big part of this was that I felt God answered my prayer and that was it. Plus, I grew up thinking that asking people to pray for you meant something was wrong with you. We weren’t sick, and I didn’t want to ask others to pray for us because they might think we were on the verge of divorce, or something awful was happening.  

I’ve learned a valuable lesson, though. Friends, we need to be praying for our marriages AND our friends’ marriages. Philippians 2:4 says, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others.”

Over the past few months, I have been inundated with stories of infidelity and marriages on the brink of divorce. A friend’s mother commented that I’ve reached the age where seeing divorce and infidelity among my friends happens all the time. It sure feels like it. The people I’ve witnessed, heard about and heard from are friends from elementary school, high school and youth group. I went to college with some, and others I worked alongside. I ache for them. I ache they’ve had to endure such heartache. My heart is heavy that their marriages are so tumultuous. My heart is heavy that I didn’t know or do anything to help in time; I didn’t pray for their marriages. 

None of us are safe from the lies of Satan. When we’re walking down the aisle, happily having our pictures taken, most of us are not thinking about divorce or the hard times ahead. We have to be vigilant of Satan’s attacks. We have to pray for our marriages. We need to pray for our friends’ marriages, too.

“Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:11-12

I’m going to start praying for my friends’ marriages. And I’m going to start asking people to pray for mine. We need to be supporting each other - not just in the bad times, but the good times, too.  

it takes a village to raise a Christian

My pastor is preaching a new series on sharing our faith.  Any normal Southern Baptist member knows where this is going. Even though I was hesitant, I followed his lead and posted a short version of my testimony on the church’s Web site. And you know what? I’m glad I did.

It got me to thinking about how my testimony really doesn’t belong to me. Obviously my story belongs to the Lord who is the writer of all the pages of our lives (cue Days of Our Lives music here), but seriously, it also belongs to the people He purposefully placed in my life. He placed individuals in my life to do His work and help me grow closer to Him.  Isn’t that amazing?!

Let me share more of my story.

When I was two-weeks-old, my parents took me to church, much like Hannah took Samuel to church when he was a baby. However, Hannah dedicated Samuel to the Lord and took him back home until he was older. My parents just left me....because in 1981, you could still do that and not face jail time. (In 1981, you also weren’t frowned upon for having an infant in public.  Let me just say, my immune system is just fine.) Allegedly, they took me to church, all the ladies cooed over my adorableness and my mom left me in the nursery (again, great immune system as a child). After church, she and my dad rounded up the other two children, and out of habit (their words, not mine), they went to the car and drove home. They were in Riceville (this is 15 miles from the church for you people unfamiliar with the area) when my sister asked, “Where’s the baby?” Needless to say, my parents immersed me in the church early on. 

I was nine-years-old when I accepted Christ as my personal savior. My mother led me to Christ on April 7, 1991 following the death of my maternal grandmother who was a dear woman of faith. She was very meek and gentle, but was strong in the Lord.  These two ladies had a huge impact on my faith. They were at home, though.  There were others who had a large impact, too. They are who I want to tell you about.

There was a man who taught the 3 and 4-year-old Sunday school class at my church. His wife and other ladies helped, and I’m sure they actually did the bulk of the teaching. Mr. S was a large man (well, he seemed to be to me). When he picked you up, you were the tallest kid in the world! He taught me how to blow bubbles with bubble gum. I owe my first major haircut to him, as I somehow ended up tangling lots of hair in some gum while practicing this at home. He would show us how to tie our shoes and often tied them for us. Mr. S was a large man, so thinking of him sitting in small chairs with three or four of us on his lap telling us stories and making us giggle showed great love. He could have been with an adult Sunday school class, but he chose to show us love. Mr. S taught me about bubble gum and shoe laces, but most of all, he taught me how to love.

Mrs. J and Mrs. C both taught me music as a child. They taught me how to sing praises to my Lord. Mrs. C’s husband taught me how to worship the Lord - through singing and through service. He taught me that the only person worth performing for was God, and it was my responsibility to help others worship Him. I learned very early on to sing to the Lord, not for man thanks to Mr. C. I learned very early on to sing with a happy heart thanks to Mrs. J and Mrs. C.

Miss L taught me to pray. As a fifth-grader, she gave me my very first driving lesson: you  could pray with your eyes open, because if you are driving a car, you can’t close your eyes to pray. Miss L told us she prayed while driving. I pray while I drive. Miss L showed us how she writes out her prayers because it helps her mind focus on Him. I write out my prayers because I struggle to focus on Him otherwise. Miss L told us she prays throughout the day and just talks with the Lord. I learned as a fifth-grader that Jesus is my friend from Miss L.

Love, music and prayer are such huge parts of my faith. The Lord tells us in John to love others just as He loved us. David tells us to sing a new song unto the Lord in Psalms. All throughout the Bible, there are passages of prayers and people having communion with God.

My testimony has roots in my home and in my church family. Those individuals played such a significant role in my faith. It is so important to remember that I, too, have an impact on someone’s faith. God is using me just like He has used others in my life. So, as I prepare to listen to my pastor’s sermon series on sharing our faith, I’m also going to be praising God for those who shared with me. And Lord willing, He’ll use me to share with others.